Let the wording serve the message
Read for meaning first. Select a highlighted word if you want a closer look.
The rhetorical force of a student campaign speech came from a clear contrast between the broken bike racks and the simple repairs being proposed. The speaker did not want to belabor the damage after showing photographs that already established it. An early draft's tumid praise of the committee as the glorious guardian of all future journeys made a modest request sound absurdly grand. The writing group replaced that passage with the costed repair plan and a direct invitation to support it.
At rehearsal, the rhetorical contrast still gave the speech a clear shape without requiring a dramatic claim about every journey on campus. The speaker began to belabor the same damaged rack during questions, so a classmate reminded her that listeners now wanted to hear about repairs. One remaining tumid sentence also gave way to a concrete description of the work. The shorter revision left enough time for the audience to ask who would check the repaired racks before they returned to use.
Before you move on
Look away from the passage. Can you explain each focus word in your own words?
Original fictional passages for vocabulary practice.